♂ = ♀ Arranged Marriage...(Cont....)
UPDATE:
We can all agree to a certain extent, that I am educated. Not as much as some who might be reading this blogg.. but i'm educated (please don't ask for proof). I might not be able to write down all the alphabets in the english language behind my name, but I can write a few.
As a matter of fact, it makes me proud that I have friends who are soo well educated. It gives me a sense of admiration, for the amount of hard work you guys put in and the determination and drive you have to suceed, be it in life or to find a cure for Cancer or both. It makes me jelous that you guys are doing soo much, but it does not, in anyway make me feel inferior to you. We are all friends and education or academic qualifications has nothing to do with it.
I spoke with my relatives back home yesterday. They said that they have "picked" out a couple of girls for me to consider. All good so far. But they hesitated to give me details about this "other" girl. Reason, apparently she has completed her Degree in Engineering and her MBA. This, they feel would make me insecure about myself. They almost don't want to even consider her or even want me to consider her, cause she has a higher qualification. They feel, that if she were to come here, she might have a better career or even earn more than I do... I say, so what? Good for her. It will only make me feel better about her. As a matter of fact, I would love for my parter to have a brillian career.
If my partner or wife were to be better qualified, I have absolutely no problem with that. It would only make me proud. I would be the least bit intimidated because of that.
My question here is, in the 21st century, when soo many are doing soo many things... why is it that they still feel, the "Man" of the house, should be "better" than the wife? I have always held the principle of, "Treat other's, like you would have have them, treat you".
For whatever reason, if my partner were to feel superior than I am, well then that is something I have no control over.. but I can only hope, that if it comes to that.. I can talk some sense into her.
Since my "Fan Club" is made up of two females.. I would love your opinion on this matter. What do you think of this?
Momok
posted by momok @ 8:56 AM
14 Comments:
This may sound really stupid to you, but educational qualifications are something people take in to serious consideration in arranged marriages, and I guess to an extent in any relationship. I mean sure you might fall for the hot bartender, but if you are a college proffessor I'm guessing you might have second thoughts before hitting on him
In an arranged marriage, where initial attraction isnt an issue, education plays a big role. Unforuntaely, not all guys are open minded as you, and defineatly are not as secure as you are. I maybe generalising, but I know guys who have definite inferiority complexes because their partners are in better positions than they are. If you want an example, just look at holiwood!! how many couples break up because the wife gets to be more succesful than the husband? I guess it comes from the old idea that the husband is the bread winner of the family. While many things have evolved, male mentality hasnt!
thats not to say there arent exceptions, but even my parents consider the education level of the guy involved when they get proposals for me. Its just to do with the idea that i guess diff levels of education results in deff level of compatibility. yo would get on better with someone who has similar level of education as you, due to common interests etc. and in the case of the girls parents, i gues they just want to make sure they are not introducing thier daughter to the possiblity of a guy who will get an inferiority complex and thus make his and her life difficult.
anyway, im rambling now. but yea, education is an issue in general. how much is an issue will depend on the two people involved of course.
Oh that stuff about how the male is supposed to be more qualified than the female makes me MAD. It's complete crap. No one should ever feel inferior or superior to anyone else based on who has what qualification, end of the story, and if people want to think that way, well I pity them for their ignorance, that's all I can say.
I think you are right momok, only someone very insecure and lacks faith in himself would feel threatened by their partner if she has a higher qualification - and if you're confident in your own abilities and your own goals in life then there's nothing to be insecure about.
What does a qualification mean at the end of the day, anyway? Seriously? I mean, I'm doing what I'm doing because I want to help people, not because I want to get the title. Different people can contribute to the world in different and very unique ways - me for example, I can do cancer research but when it comes to computer stuff I'm an utter moron.
So good on you for being sure of yourself and where you stand in life. If other people can't understand that it's their loss.
Oh, yes, what Venus is saying is kind of true... I was completely overlooking the fact that in an arrangement like that it's hard to not consider the education thing - I hadn't thought of it like that. But that is very superficial and doesn't mean you can't impress the girls' parents with your charm after they've got to know you better!
Oh I don't know... I am not good at this stuff and I'm just contradicting myself... teach me more about HOW arranged marriges ACTUALLY WORK and THEN I'll comment.
Alright, I don't need to know how it really works, I've made up my mind.
In your case, momok, it's not really such a big difference that it will result in incompatibility - you are educated and you do have a qualification. But even in a case where there is a big difference - it depends on the two people involved and how they see things - some people are more open minded and they may recognise that qualifications don't tell you everything - some people have skills that a certificate can't give you.
It's kind of a complicated issue, but in this century - society is advancing and progressively there is more equality between men and women. The way I see it: who cares who's more qualified and who's earning more money to feed the rest of the family, just as long as you and your partner are happy with each other!
Alright, I don't need to know how it really works, I've made up my mind.
In your case, momok, it's not really such a big difference that it will result in incompatibility - you are educated and you do have a qualification. But even in a case where there is a big difference - it depends on the two people involved and how they see things - some people are more open minded and they may recognise that qualifications don't tell you everything - some people have skills that a certificate can't give you.
It's kind of a complicated issue, but in this century - society is advancing and progressively there is more equality between men and women. The way I see it: who cares who's more qualified and who's earning more money to feed the rest of the family, just as long as you and your partner are happy with each other!
yep. totally agree with u hannah.
it really doesnt matter whether the husband or wife earns more, as long as they are happy. like my parents for example, in sri lanka, my mom always earned more than my dad (despite havin equal qualifications, MD and PhD, it was coz mom was in the private sector, which pays shitte loads and dad worked for the poor sl gorvernemt!) but they never ever had a problem with it.
on the other hand, a very clsoe family friend, who is a lawyer has a mechanic for a husband. and they have so many problems because the social ciricles that they run in are so different and so their friends,interests and values are different. they have real problems.
so tahts what i mean when i say the level of education is important. after u reach a certain level however, it becomes trivial. i.e in the case of momok, her havin a BE degree means nothing..why should it? but in some cases, i think it does end up being quite an issue
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OK, so if you put it that way, I can see how it can be a problem. I am honestly enjoying this blogg, cause it opens up issues and lights up things that I could not have seen otherwise.
I want you guys (gurls) to know that I fully appreciate all your comments and feedback and opinions. Luv it:-)
Thank you guys for making the effort. And thank you for understanding. Please keep this up.. your opinion counts...
Venus:- I guess if you put it that way, it does seem "different" from my thinking. But "I" don't believe it to be a problem, but if the girl or the girls' parents believe it to be so, well so be it.. we won't go anywhere there.
I do not have the luxury of getting to know the person and then fall in love with them or whatever. I guess at least the qualification issue, then give me the opportunity to weed out the ones that probably are not compatible with me at a very fundamental level!!!
Saying that, I do understand, no matter how hard I am gonna try, there are things that I am never gonna find out until later, by which stage, it might be a bit too late... but I am willing to make compromises. I know there will be expectations of me, just like I have of her.
I have lots of hope and I almost always look at the glass half full and try my best to remain positive, no matter what.
OK, I am gonna put both of you on the spotlight here.
Venus:- Would you settle for someone qualified much lesser than you?
Hannah:- Would you settle for someone qualified much lesser than you?
Well, Since I currently hold a very presitgious BSc honours the only person who would be less qualified me than would be someone who is a school or uni dropout :) So at the moment I would say, probably not.
I want to stress that this is NOT coz i think a piece of paper is importnat. Its simply because not wanting to get a formal education shows a certain lack of ambition. I dont want to be with someone too ambitious, but I would want someone who wants to make something of himself and have a plan for what sort of future he would want.
so maybe..hopefully down the line, after I get my PhD ( coz then the lesser quaification may just be an issue) it wouldnt matter if he has a basic degree or something. but wud matter if he is the current manager of the KFC down the corner and he plans to stay there.
so in the case of momok and Ms. BE/MBA, i think its BS to worry about qualifications.. you're a good catch an she shud realise it
hehe :D
V
OF course I would settle for someone much less qualified than myself - my boyfriend is a high school teacher, he has a post-graduate diploma; I'm going to do a PhD. So yeah, that's never bothered me before, although it does annoy me when people try to make a fuss about it!
Just like Venus said, as long as the two of you have it sorted out, it won't really matter but there are cases where the relationship doesn't work, it all depends on the two people! So you'd better find a good one!
Hahahah, Manager of the corner KFC.. look on the positive side.. free KFC for life... YUCK.. I HATE KFC :P.
I am glad we can all agree that a piece of paper should not rule our lives. Ofcourse a certain degree of ambition is required to do anything in life. Guess we all share varying degrees of ambition and what we want to be and do in life.
If this does turn into an issue, I will let you guys know about it.
That solves one of my questions / issues.
Millions more to go... what was my next question again?
Actually I may have spoken too fast.
Manager of KFC defineatly gets the boot, but a manager of a YUM CHAR bar..hmm thats a whole other story ;)
Dam I miss yum char
:(
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